Working Mothers Secrets Coaches ........ with Maree Lipschitz & Virginia Herlihy

The Emergence of "Mrs Big" - more women as breadwinner

2010-07-20T17:36:00.003+10:00

Not sure I like the title (when are men ever called "Mr Big" if they are the major breadwinner?) however the stats are interesting. Apparently, one-third of women are now taking on the breadwinner role as their earnings outstrip those of their partners, new research has found.

According to the Women And Work Survey 2010 (UK study), 30% of 2000 females questioned were either out-earning their partners or earning as much, with one in 10 claiming to have a house husband.

Other note-worthy stats:
- only 11% of those questioned expressing the desire to stop work completely when they started a family.

- almost half of all full-time mothers admitted they hated not earning their own money, while 32% missed work itself.

- though women working full-time earn, on average, 17% less per hour than men working full-time.

- the Grazia research found that 69% of mothers preferred to keep their hand in at work, with 60% of mothers of children under three stating they preferred to work, albeit preferably part-time (40%).

- Women with full-time jobs said their employment made them feel worthwhile (50%) and confident (51%).

- Four out of 10 women thought that in future the career of whoever was the highest earner would take precedence, regardless of sex (42%), and a further 39% felt mothers and fathers would share the work and childcare load equally.

- only one in 10 high-earning women thought the situation threatened her relationship.

More details at: http://tinyurl.com/2c3kzah

Women’s Support :Becoming Our Own Role Models

2010-04-16T08:01:00.003+10:00

Love this piece from the www.DailyOm.com today. Enjoy!

"There was a time where women stood together in a bond of sisterhood, women supporting women.

As women embrace the fullness of who they are as individuals, they may find themselves supporting other women, helping others to reach the level of inner comfort and outer freedom that they themselves have found. Among those who are less sure of themselves and their place in the world, it may be more common to criticize other women than to seek their help. But there are things that a woman can only learn from another woman, as there are things about being a man that can only be learned from other men. We all recognize that we have much to learn from each other regardless of gender, but sometimes we could use a supportive role model that gives us a more precise example of what and who we can become.

There was a time where women stood together in a bond of sisterhood, women supporting women. It is only natural that the pendulum swings out of balance for a while so that we may have the experience of what we do not want. It is up to women to bring the pendulum back into balance and bring back the sacred sisterhood we yearn for at our core.

If we envision a world where women support each other and help each other find their place in an ever-changing world, then we can become the change we want to see. Jealousy, envy, criticism, and judgment are refuges for the insecure. As we help others to become self-assured, we create a world in which all people help each other, regardless of gender. Only women can make the change in how women are seen and understood, not just by other women but by the world at large. The way we speak about each other to other women and to the men in our lives informs everyone to treat us with the respect that all women, and all people, deserve. "

Let's bring it on back mums! Let's not gossip about another woman - whether we know them or not...

Happy International Women's Day to all working mums!

2010-03-06T19:07:00.002+11:00

We wish all working mums a wonderful day on Monday and we hope you are celebrating with some great women somewhere!

Here's some interesting facts on IWD from the website: www.internationalwomensday.com

'International Women's Day (8 March) is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. In some places like China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria, IWD is a national holiday. The first IWD was run in 1911. Next year is IWD Global Centenary 1911-2011.'

Let's make the centenary next year a big one for celebrating working mums!

Is Sleep better than Sex?

2010-02-16T20:35:00.002+11:00

Is Sleep better than Sex? For a lot of working mothers it seems so – particularly those mums with kids under five who are still waking during the night. A recent article mentioned some tips for getting more sleep so that we can feel better and be more productive during the day:

1. Set a bedtime for yourself and keep it! (you may just lose weight if you do this as you won’t be so tired and have all those food cravings!)
2. Invest in some proper pyjamas (I suggest wearing silk – it makes you feel good and a lot more feminine than just ‘mummy’ type clothes – and it’s proper ‘sleeping’ attire)
3. Switch off your mobile while it charges overnight.
4. Don’t check the time or switch on the lights if you do wake up during the night.
5. Counting backwards from 300 in sets of three helps you drift off.
6. Cut out some of the other stuff, like an hour watching TV to ‘wind down’ at the end of the day – sleep is more essential!
7. Stop believing that working 24/7 shows you are serious – you can be professional and get some sleep.

SO go some some more sleep! Read the whole article at http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article7021747.ece

Working Mums Tip #6 In Essence – Being Grateful for What You DO Have In Your Life

2010-01-18T14:04:00.004+11:00

If you do nothing else from reading these tips – then do this last one!

This will make a HUGE difference to your life and to how you feel about everything that happens. Don’t take our word for it, just try it!

If you are reading this tip now, this means you already have an amazing life compared to most people in the world. You have enough food, shelter, clothing , your family and children have access to leading edge medical treatment and you have ways of earning income to help yourself and those you love. This is more than 95% of what the world’s population have got.

And yet we want more – and things to be better for us. And that’s OK. That’s how the world works and how our knowledge and skill expands – to provide for us and others coming behind us. So it is good to ASK for what we want – to wish for things that we would love to have in our life – more money, more freedom, better health, easier relationships – if you can think of wanting it, then it’s OK for you to have it!

What we have learnt DOESN’T work – is asking for these things from a place of complaining, or scarcity, or not having them. If we constantly think about what we don’t have - from a place of complaining that we don’t have them -then we don’t get them. Or if we focus on how other people have things that we want – new house, new car, different job, luxurious holidays etc – then we just make ourselves feel bad that we don’t have them.

But if we are grateful for what we DO have in our life – and give that thanks every day – and ASK for what it is that we would like more of – then we have found that that’s what works. Coming from a place of gratitude to ask for more – rather than a place of lack to ask for more.

So here’s our last tip – every day, when you wake up - and before you go to sleep - and any other time of the day that you can remember:

Give thanks for the love in your life – for your family and for being able to have or look after children – many people can’t.

Give thanks for your career/job/employer/business for the opportunity to earn income and support your family and your aspirations in life.

Give thanks for the food in front of you – the roof over your head – the clothes on your body – the health you enjoy – for this glorious, abundant, safe country that we live in.

Give thanks for ALL you have in your life – however small or insignificant you think it is. Many people in the world would LOVE to have what you have.

And then focus on what else you would LOVE in your life – what would you really LOVE? And then believe it will come to you….

Wishing you many good things – and hoping to see you at an event soon…

How to make a Mother's Day

2009-05-08T18:47:00.003+10:00

Just read a brilliant article about how much mothers are criticised and judged by others - often by people in public that they don't even know. With Mother's Day looming and all the spin about really caring for mothers and 'it's the most important job in the world' then why is there so much judgment and criticism of mothers? Damned if they go to work and leave their kids, passed over socially if they don't work as not being anyone of consequence - what's a poor woman to do? not have children? Then she's damned for being too selfish. We can't seem to win any which way.

If only we could give mothers the praise that they so rightly deserve - the courage to bring another human being into the world and nurture them in the best possible way they know how. To be a 'good-enough' mother. Let's all give at least one mother some positive comments this Mother's Day about what she's doing that IS working. That will make her Mother's Day!

Read the article http://tinyurl.com/px3xw4

Right to ask for flexible working rights in the UK

2009-04-09T15:00:00.002+10:00

UK parents of children under 16 now have the right to ask for flexible working hours from their employer . Previously only legislated for parents with children under 6, this is an outstanding recognition that children need support from parents all through their school years as well.

Fantastic achievment UK - what's Australia doing about this? C'mon -let's get with the times!

...'the business benefits of flexible working, with three in five (59 per cent) saying it would improve staff morale, two in five (40 per cent) working mums believing flexible working would reduce absenteeism, and more than a quarter saying it would improve staff retention and attract talented staff. Recognised business benefits of flexible working also include increased productivity and recruitment savings.' So why are so many Australian employers not doing this?

http://www.egovmonitor.com/node/24480

Paid Maternity Leave - Come on Australia Let's Do It!

2009-03-22T16:55:00.004+11:00

Australia is one of only 2 OECD countries that still doesn't have paid parental leave (USA is the other one - surprise surprise!).

Kevin Rudd promised that paid leave would be on the agenda when he won office but has claimed the Global Financial Crisis (GFC) has now put this on the backburner - but why? Surely this would help struggling parents just as much as any stimulation package???

This is also the view of Greens Senator Sarah Hanson-Young (mother of a 2 year old) who argues in this SMH article for Paid Parental Leave to be a definite in this May's Budget.

Let's support the debate to make sure it is!

http://tinyurl.com/cgdn6w

Southern Cross University Supports Working Women

2009-03-19T22:07:00.002+11:00

Thank goodness some organisations are still seeing women as a valuable asset.

FIVE universities were dropped from the 2009 employer of choice for women list last week (albeit due to changes over pay gender equity criteria). Southern Cross University (SCU) was named as a new 2009 Employer of Choice for Women yesterday, as a result of ensuring a fair workplace for working women.

The Development Program for Women offered at Southern Cross University includes a mentoring program, as well as a networking forum hosted by the Equity Services and Human Resource Services.

Mentoring and networking forums - just what we've been offering for years. So listen up all you other organisations that don't currently offer this.

That's what we want. That's what we need.

New Years Thoughts on Working Mothers

2009-01-01T21:01:00.005+11:00

How do we negotiate the nearly impossible task of nurturing partner, children, career and self in the isolation and lack of community today? The social support we desperately need to ground ourselves for the relentless tasks of motherhood is absent. How can we recreate that?

That was part of our purpose for designing The Corporate Mothers' Forum - so working mums could just talk to each other and download. Becoming a mother is one of the biggest physical and psychological transitions that a woman can go through - along with menarche (the first period) and menopause (the last period).

But of these three female transition stages - childbirth involves a change so dramatic that women often feel their lives are on the line. All vestiges of control must be surrendered and swept aside for total transformation of the woman into the mother. It often astonishes women how vulnerable we can feel after childbirth as our whole endocrine system has been turned upside down. Was this your experience?

To register for more tips, see www.workingmotherssecrets.com

Westpac bails out their ABC Childcare Centres

2008-12-18T12:42:00.003+11:00

Congratulations Westpac for walking your talk about supporting working mothers! They have taken over the operation of many of their childcare centres under threat from the recent ABC Learning Centre debacle. So the continued care of their Westpac employees' children has been assured.

Let's hope that happens for many more of the Centres and for the worried parents hoping to find places for their children.

Forcing Mothers to Work?

2008-08-27T12:01:00.004+10:00

A new survey reports that two-thirds of mothers are being 'forced' to work to make ends meet.

1000 adults (were they all mothers?) were surveyed for the poll by The Daily Telegraph newspaper and reportedly only 7% of mothers go back to work to maintain their career.

It is also reported that a similar percentage of Mums go back 'because they want a break from the family'.

The rest (ie around 66%) work because of financial reasons. Well isn't this why most men work anyway? And what of the single mother scenario - of course they have to work.

What do you think of this survey?

http://news.smh.com.au/national/many-working-mums-would-rather-be-home-20080826-429g.html

Cost of being a stay-at-home mum: $1 million

2008-06-11T11:05:00.007+10:00

Well it seems like we're damned if we do work - or damned more if we don't.

This review of Ann Crittendon's book 'The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued' documents in painstaking and depressing detail all the ways in wihich government policy, the tax code and corporate culture penalise mothers who work and the parents who stay at home.

When women decide to leave the workforce, they not only forfeit their income, but also super savings, pensions and other benefits. The financial tradeoffs she lists are a stunning indictment of a mother's financial vulnerability. An economics writer herself, Crittendon recommends several smart policy changes for government that would reduce the financial penalty of having kids, especially for SAHMs (Stay at Home Mums). But the goverment acting on our behalf may take decades - so here's some practical ways to bolster your financial and emotional security now -

Reconsider the prenup ( or if in Australia, consider doing one so that your agreement takes into account the career time given away and lost earnings if you're a SATM)
Figure out, if you can personally afford this (including sometimes the hit in self-esteem and sense of identity but the 'cost of work' ie travel, wardrobe, eating out etc can be reduced)
Be honest about what you need if you're going to be the SAHM - time at the gym, extra help, etc.
Keep planning for your retirement - maybe the working partner invests for the SAHM's future.
Don't assume you're leaving the workforce - consider sequencing or home-based work
Find out if your company is more family-friendly than you think - ASK for what you need!

Maybe our Corporate Mother's Forum could help you and other Working Mums at your organisation? See http://www.howdoyoudoit.com.au/

Full article at http://tinyurl.com/3dafy9 or buy the book at http://tinyurl.com/3k2dc2

Professional Women Working Part-Time Don't Achieve Balance They Want

2008-05-30T14:26:00.008+10:00

A recent report from Beaton Consulting Group has found that professional women do NOT achieve the balance in work/family life they are looking for when they elect to work part-time, as well as taking a financial hit at the same time.

The 2008 Executive Summary to the Report 'Work Life Balance in Australia in the New Millenium: Rhetoric vs Reality' reports the findings of a study of over 11,000 knowledge workers across Australia. Respondents were both male and female, with dependants and without. Childcare and eldercare issues are examined.

Some other interesting findings were:

25% respondents worked more than 50 hrs/week + 6 hrs/week unpaid overtime
23% think of leaving their current organisation at least once a week or more
42% report high levels of work overload
respondents are 3.6x more likely to prioritise work over family

The report calls for governments to pay attention to the work/life issues to address the falling birth rate and to change the tradition of focus on hours at work as a measure of productivity, contribution, loyalty and engagement.

Organisations are encouraged to increase their

perceived flexibility
number of genuinely supportive managers of flexibile work practices
employees' sense of control over their work situations

and to decrease their employees' workloads. It is proposed that professional women do face a glass ceiling with respect to career opportunities and advanacement. Women with child or eldercare responsibilities, in particular, appear to be disadvantaged.

It's great to see that such a large scale study being undertaken - let's hope governments and organisations take note so that the next generation of working mothers don't have to struggle as much!!

Full report at : http://www.beaton.com.au/pdfs/BC_WorkLifeBal_summary.pdf

Next Australian Governor-General to be Working Mum and Grandmother

2008-04-17T21:01:00.006+10:00

The new Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has struck another victory for working mothers everywhere!

He's appointed Quentin Bryce, mother of 5 and grandmother of 5 as our next Australian Governor-General. Quentin has been a tireless advocate for working mothers, having been a lawyer, Sex Discrimination Commissioner and more recently, Governor-General of Queensland.

Quentin Bryce has always maintained that women need to have their economic independence to enable them to have choices. And she's proud to call herself a feminist!

This appointment surely can only help to encourage more women into high profile roles.

Go Quentin - go GG! Photo and full article courtesy of The Age http://tinyurl.com/5jkows

EOWA's New Criteria for Working Mums

2008-04-01T14:30:00.008+11:00

THE Australian Commonwealth Equal Opportunity for Women in the Workplace Agency (EOWA) has new criteria for its Employer of Choice for Women award. This includes a pay equity gap of less than 17 per cent, a minimum of six weeks paid maternity leave, and at least 27 per cent of the managers being women.

We're getting closer gals - still not equal pay, but closing the gap!

EOWA has for the fifth year running, given the University of Western Sydney its Employer of Choice for Women award. UWS was one of only 99 organisations that met the agency's new criteria.

Go you Universities - no wonder so many working mothers remain in Academia when it's such a supportive environment for women, families and work/life balance!

See full article at
http://penrith.yourguide.com.au/news/local/general/women-at-uws/1213706.html

A Day in the Life of a Mother ...Click here for YouTube link

2008-03-28T16:33:00.007+11:00

You have to watch this - it's hilarious - and so true! This is one woman's take on some of the typical interactions she has with her children in a typical day. Somehow we think you'll recognise some of the sayings - we certainly did!

All sung to the William Tell Overture in 2.5 mins. She's now called the 'William Tell Mom' due to her YouTube success. Quite an achievement - she must be a working mum! Enjoy..... the lyrics are there too so you can read along...

Major Australian Retailer offers Six weeks Paid Maternity Leave

2008-03-27T14:50:00.005+11:00

Australian retail giant, Myer, today announced they were offering six weeks paid maternity leave for fulltime and part-time staff who had been with them for 18 months or longer.

Hooray! Finally a major employer of women has seen the value of offering this benefit to their highly valuable working mothers.

Myer spokesman Greg Travers, says "[It] is an additional benefit that we also think will enhance the return rates of women to employment," he said. "We have a growth portfolio going forward into the future that's going to mean we'll need more people."

This kind of benefit makes it easier to convince working mothers to return and encourages existing staff to stay.

The Federal Minister for the Status of Women, Tanya Plibersek, has supported the Myer initiative. "It's got a very high proportion of female staff and I hope that businesses that haven't already got paid parental leave will think about following suit."

Well done Myer - and we both hope that many more businesses do the same!

Full article see http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/03/27/2200286.htm?section=australia

Millionaire Marketing Working Mother says 'Ask for What you Need'

2008-03-18T14:02:00.007+11:00

Virginia and I are very excited as we've just attended the 'World Internet Summit' conference in Sydney last weekend. We wanted to meet our internet coach and mentor from California, Tracy Repchuk, who was one of the keynote speakers there.

Tracy's been helping us to get our working mums business up online - and she's the perfect person to do it ! She's an amazing working mum herself (or 'Mom' as they say in USA)! Tracy has 3 kids - Kennedy 12, Celeste 11 and Caleb 10 - all born in the same month 1 year apart! So she REALLY knows what she's talking about....

We were lucky to grab an interview with her while she was here and the full video of her interview will be available as a free bonus when our new e-book 'Working Mothers' Secrets' is released in the next few weeks.

But here's some gold nuggets of advice from Tracy who has really earned the stripes of successful working motherhood:

'Don't victimise yourself into thinking that the workplace is a certain way. There IS an employer that will give you what you want - or perhaps become self-employed- so be brave and go after what you know will support you and your family. If you're certain of it , then you will attract it. It always works - once you get clear what you want.'

Tracy brought her husband and three kids with her to Australia so now they've gone on a road trip to Queenland - living their dream lifestyle. So thanks Tracy for being such an inspiration to us and other working mums around the world - and stay tuned for our new ebook!

Happy International Women's Day - and a great win for mothers

2008-03-09T17:46:00.000+11:00

Hope you all had a fabulous International Women's Day today and spent time with some wonderful inspiring women! I had a beautiful dinner with three of my favourite working mum friends - who continually inspire me - Virginia, Shelley and Marlane. Thank you sisters for your never ending love and support - I couldn't do this WM gig without you all!

And exciting news just in from the Art Gallery of New South Wales - a working mother of two has just won the Archibald Prize this year ( Australia's prestigious art prize worth $50,000) with a self-portrait of herself and her children Kell and Arella. This is what the artist , Del Kathryn Barton says:

“This painting celebrates the love I have for my two children and how my relationship with them has radically informed and indeed transformed my understanding of who I am,” she says.

“The title of the work – you are what is most beautiful about me – alludes to that utterly profound ‘in-loveness’ that all mothers have for their children. Both my children have taken my world by storm and very little compares to the devotion I feel for them both. The intensity of this emotion is not something that I could have prepared myself for. The alchemy of life offered forth from my inhabitable woman's body is perhaps the greatest gift of my life.”

What a woman! More info see http://tinyurl.com/2nlvnj

Tracy Repchuk at the World Internet Summit Sydney Australia

2008-03-08T17:36:00.000+11:00

Tracy Repchuk has to be one of the most successful working mothers of the Internet and she is coming to Australia this week to speak at the World Internet Summit in Sydney Australia - my home town!

I've been working with Tracy over the last six months and she has taught me a lot about Internet Marketing - and I feel like I've only scratched the surface! She is dedicated to helping women and working mums succeed in this online marketing game, so come and hear her speak on Friday morning 14th March at Darling Harbour.

I'll be there and giving her a rap - so it would be great to see you!

What Women Want - a New Political Party for Australia

2007-11-25T17:39:00.000+11:00

Well a new breeze (or is that scent?) is blowing through the ranks of the Australian political parties with the establishment of 'What Women Want' - a political party by and for women

http://www.whatwomenwant.org/

Hats off to Justine Cairns for standing for what she believes in - decent maternity care for all Australian women (particularly in rural areas) amongst other issues for women and working mums. Check it out and go Justine in the election today!

Ode to a Single Working Mother

2007-10-23T14:57:00.000+10:00

Well we all need good friends and as Working Mums we need them more than ever - particularly other Working Mums who know exactly how it is!

I want to acknowledge a great woman who happens to be my oldest friend. Alison is one of those incredibly courageous women - a Single Working Mum. She's mother of 2 - a psychologist and school counsellor - and a fabulous mime artist and blogger extraordinaire. Also one of the funniest and wittiest people I know. It was she who suggested 'wouldn't it be good to have celebration ceremonies for new mothers?' Hence starting my whole journey towards working with Mums and Daughters that I do today - thanks Al.

Check out her blog for things artistic, on raising resilient kids, for dealing with depression, for a good laugh - and always a witty comment on life as a working mum...

http://alisonctuck.typepad.com/womanandchildfirst/

Faking it - our girl poisoning culture

2007-08-13T15:27:00.000+10:00

I just love women standing up for other women and girls!

A recent article (full link below) on how glossy magazines are quickly poisoning our girls is just great. It discusses how images are faked to make girls believe these are true images of real women - and some of the ways in which mothers and other women are fighting back. Of course we gals love fashion, makeup and jewellery - adorning ourselves is one of the great privileges we have as women - but let's keep it real!

Women's Forum Australia are staging a 'Get Real' forum in Melbourne this coming weekend on 18th August with parodying titles such as 'Of Course You're Not Hot'; 'The Stick Insect Diet' and
'Hate Your Body - We show you how'. WM's - get on down there with your daughters and show them some real women - and better yet, don't buy those magazines and don't let your daughters buy them either. You KNOW they don't make you feel good about yourself....

http://www.smh.com.au/news/miranda-devine/paradise-glossed-magazines-driving-girlpoisoning-culture/2007/08/04/1185648206332.html

Working Mums Tip#5: Sending Out the Most Useful Message

2007-08-13T12:30:00.000+10:00

The way you communicate, like it or not, is going to be a key part of how you are perceived. Research has shown that our Body Language contributes 55% of our communication, Voice (tone, pitch, volume, etc) is 38% and our words or content are only 7%!

So assertive body language is important for you as a Working Mum to be able to deal with negative comments that will inevitably come your way – from family, work collegues, scrunch points, other school mums (‘muffia’) comments.

The key is to ‘get really conscious’ about HOW you come across rather than just coming across. Ask yourself “what messages am I giving out’ and how might these effect how I’m being perceived?

So what can you do to be perceived as a congruent and confident Working Mum with your Body Language and Voice’?

1. Act as if………fake it till you make it

2. Be witness conscious – see yourself from outside

3. Keep eye contact when listening to others

4. Choose your position in a room wisely, stand next to someone in authority

5. Have your hands visible above the table

6. Take a notebook to meetings and use it!

Some of these things may sound like common sense - and feedback has been that many women don't do this! Being prepared and knowing what to do is the first step.

Working Mums Tip#4: Stop the Guilt by Managing Your Internal Self

2007-08-11T12:25:00.000+10:00

If your most important values are not being met, you’re more likely to be stressed and more likely to be less satisfied. This dissatisfaction can present itself in a number of ways – and guilt is the most common!

We’re going to have a quick look at guilt with a view to you being aware of when this happens so you have an opportunity to manage it vs letting it run you. What, if anything, do you feel guilty about as a working mother? Write it down!

Be aware of what triggers your guilt so you can put in place measures to counter/prevent it. Challenge your guilt – is it your voice - or someone else’s?

When you feel guilty, check in with yourself – and particularly check your values:
– Check what you feel guilty about specially if its happening regularly
– What’s giving rise to the guilt?
– What’s behind the feeling you have?
– What’s the value underneath that?
– If it’s happening on a regular basis, what’s the trend?

Limiting beliefs – where the guilt comes from

Guilt can also be created by limiting beliefs which we will touch on now.

What is faulty or negative thinking, or a limiting belief? It is a belief I have about myself that limits me from being my true self. If you feel your energy is low or negative, you are probably saying something to yourself that is limiting.

Our beliefs influence how we feel and behave rather than events – events are actually neutral – but how we interpret them is not neutral ie we usually make it good or bad.

For example , just say you forget to pack your child’s lunch for school – perhaps you think ‘I’m such a bad mother’ rather than ‘Today I forgot to pack his/her lunch’. What’s underlying this thought – that you must remember everything, every day of the year? You’re only human, aren’t you?

How we appraise situations is critical in determining how we respond. Have you heard the concept of ‘above the line/below the line’ behaviour i.e.

Ownership
Acceptance
Responsibility
______________________________
Blame
Excuse
Deny

Above the line behaviour in life situations (including working mum situations) are generally what successful people do. They don’t get stuck in blaming, excusing, or denying (others OR themselves!) and just get on with the job at hand.

If our beliefs and thoughts are self-limiting, self-sabotaging, irrational (not based on evidence) they are a barrier to our success. What’s the belief? Does it support me? If not, then change it!

Working Mums Tip#3: Tips for dealing with ‘Scrunch Points’

2007-08-06T12:18:00.000+10:00

‘Scrunch points’ is a term we’ve made up to describe where the different roles and parts of our lives often collide and there can be tension and conflict and old mother guilt can raise her ugly head!

The scrunch points tend to be times when our stress level rises fast, usually because we’re dealing with multiple needs and multiple expectations, coupled with an unforgiving deadline. It is useful to be aware of which things create most stress for you so that you can try and anticipate these and put measures in place to manage them as effectively as you can

Some common scrunch points can be the transitions we have to make - where our different roles as working mums overlap e.g. at home in the morning just before you go to work or at work at night, trying to get home. Or the most stressful times could be things like - having to tell your kids/boss about your absence or what to do when kids are sick.

What are the main issues you have to deal with in this space? What stresses you? What happens to you in these transitions?

How are you thinking/feeling at these times? Is this helping you or making things worse? Here are some tips to help you through these scrunch points:

1. Get into witness conscious – ie as if you were outside yourself looking at yourself. Identify the emotion you are feeling (vs. the reaction – which is commonly your behaviour under pressure) and then at least you feel more in charge and not at the beck and call of others. Also remember that children often pick up on your emotion and act it out.

2. Give yourself time - what is this really about? If you do have a strong emotional reaction – remember to give yourself a chance to recover before you act on anything. Buy time by making a phone call, checking your diary, going to the bathroom. What comes up for you? Is it a theme? Do you need to do something about it? How can you re-frame what you are saying to yourself and stop the negative tape playing inside your head?

3. Do a values check! If you have a strong feeling/reaction, it is likely that your values are being affected. Be proactive and check out your response. Try and work out what’s really bothering you i.e. which value is being affected and try and find a way of looking after that more effectively.

4. Consider your physical self – body language, dress, voice, etc and see if by adjusting that you can help calm the situation e.g. movement – speed up or slow down your pace, breathing – take 6 seconds to reengage the neocortex.

5. Consider your environment – lighting, music, candles, oils, sprays, flowers, pictures, the car or your journey home. What can you do or use to change the state you’re in and make it more useful?

6. Ask yourself – what’s most important to me right at this moment?

It is is really useful to have some strategies up your sleeve for when these scrunch points occur.

Working Mums Tip#2: Strategies for Decision Making and Easier Choices

2007-08-02T12:08:00.000+10:00

Once we are clear about what’s important to us, then we can feel more confident and less stressed about the choices we have to make. However here are some extra strategies you can use to distinguish between the options available to you:

1. Control/influence

Do you have total control over the decision eg will I get up and meditate this morning? Or do I only have influence in this decision (not total control) and need another person’s agreement to make it eg can I leave work at 5pm today?

2. Compromise/choice

Do you consciously choose this option rather than making it a compromise and resenting it? Eg choosing to take on more work at a particular point and explaining ’why’ to family etc. The key here is your language – eg. ‘I choose to take on more work at this point’ rather than ‘I have to take on more work’. It makes a difference to how you feel!

3. Drain/fill

Does this option drain you of energy or fill you with energy? eg working with people you really like who make you laugh will fill you with energy; or deciding not to see a friend anymore because they are always negative or needy and drain you of energy.

Sometimes the combination of these top 3 factors can be useful eg - if you have to do something that drains you of energy and you have no control or influence over this decision or situation, then you can choose to do it for a certain time. See what a difference choosing makes rather than being a victim of the situation. Don’t believe me – just try it!

4. Should/want to

Are you ‘shoulding’ on yourself or do you really ‘want to’ do something? Eg staying home with your kids when you don’t want to because you think ‘I should – a good mother does’ will only cause you stress (and the kids know anyway)! However if you really like doing PR - then offer to do it for the school musical! If you like it, it will give you energy and you’ll always find the time to do these ‘fun’ things.

If you are ‘shoulding’ and feel that you ‘have’ to do it – then choose it! Or perhaps think - will it help to fulfil a higher value of yours? Eg Maybe you don’t really want to work on the school ground’s working bee – but you really care about the environment so choose something to do that will assist that!

5. Faith in ability/motivation to do it

Do you have the motivation to do it? Or are you doing it just because you can and you’re good at it? Many working mums often get asked to do things and they do it because they can – not because they want to or are motivated to do it. So take some time before making a decision to feel inside and think ‘Do I really want to?’ Even if you can do it standing on your head- you don’t have to prove it to anyone any more!

Also remember - do you think you can do it? Because ‘If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!

Wanted: A Good Part-Time Job

2007-08-01T14:40:00.000+10:00

I just read a letter in the New York Times that states that not only do 60% of Working Mums wanted to work part-time - but so do many fathers.

So what is it that stops employers valuing the talent that' s out there in the part-time pool - or listening to their people - women and men - who want to use their skills and be able to spend time with their families or on other pursuits? Seems pretty short-sighted thinking to me...

Also with the aging population, many people - both men and women - will need to be spending more of their time as carers looking after aging parents. Very similar scenario to working mums with dependent children, me thinks. Or just even being part-time retired, part-time working - so they can enjoy life as they want in their later years.

So savvy employers - get with the program - more good part-time quality jobs please! The demand will only increase not go away - and your workers will thank and reward you with loyalty and commitment.

Working Mums Tip#1: Getting Clear on What’s Important to YOU

2007-07-23T11:42:00.000+10:00

Where do you tend to focus most of your energy? Often our energy is focused externally because as Working Mums we are too busy looking after others – our children, our partner, often our aging parents as well. Yet our well being and the way we are in the world depends on only one person - our self!

Yet we can lose sight of what’s important to us in the midst of so much focus on others – and when we lose sight of what’s important then it becomes incredibly hard to make decisions. We don’t know what our priorities are and we can get confused by other people’s opinions and judgments – and as I’m sure you know –as Working Mums – there are plenty of those directed at us!

So we need to be clear about what’s important to us personally. For every Working Mum that will be different. Because if we know and live our lives by what’s important to US, we feel better about ourselves and more satisfied with our life. Things line up and align – we get in the ‘zone’.

If we don’t live according to our priorities – we will increasingly be at the beck and call of others and feel exhausted and torn in many ways. It will just cause us stress and dissatisfaction. Who wants that? Particularly in the mothering role – which is such an emotive role – it’s good to have some gauge by which to make our decisions in life.

Another reason why it’s important to look at our values – is because we will do whatever we can to get our values met!. Whether we know what they are and whether that happens consciously or unconsciously – it does happen. If we know what our values are, then we can make informed decisions that align with our life’s desires and make them more quickly and easily! Wouldn’t that be great – and it saves us time as well!

Let’s do this Simple Values Exercise to start.

1. Choose - your top values from the list below. Read over them and trust your gut feeling as to which ones matter to you. Highlight all those that are important to you.

Achievement
Health & Wellbeing
Leadership
Balance
Honesty
Open Communication
Belonging/affiliation
Family
Personal Development
Challenge
Financial Success
Respect
Contributing
Fun
Recognition & Prestige
Creativity
Initiative
Self Respect
Equality
Independence
Security
Freedom
Influence
Spirituality
Harmony
Integrity
Variety

2. Prioritise - your top 5 values from the list. If you can’t decide on your top 5, compare them one by one against each other ie is Family more important than Freedom?

3. Rate your current level of satisfaction with each value at this time in your life.

My Top 5 Values are ..................and My Level of Satisfaction is

1.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10

2.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10

3.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10

4.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10

5.___________________ 1 .. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5 .. 6.. 7 .. 8 .. 9.. 10

4. Review – what does this tell you about what is most important to you about your life? What is working and giving you satisfaction? What do you need to pay more attention to?

Start to think about what a difference knowing what’s important to you could mean to all the roles in your life, and most importantly, what a difference that will make to your decision making. In future lessons, it will be very clear why.

Thanks to the Working Mums 'Support Teams'

2007-07-22T14:53:00.000+10:00

Well we couldn't do this 'Working Mother' gig without lots of support right?

So - a BIG thanks to my wonderful Mum and Dad who live interstate in Queensland (that's the state with the pointy end at the top for all you international WM's) and who had my kids Emily and Elliot for a week so that I could work in (some of) the school holidays.

Here they are (front row middle and right) at Seaworld Fun Park having a fabulous time (missing Mum heaps - NOT!) with all their cousins (yes that's almost all of them in the whole ride - plus an Aunt and Uncle!)

Pathways - for boys and girls everywhere

2007-07-19T12:18:00.000+10:00

I've just attended a Pathways Senior Leaders meeting for 2 days to discuss how we need to change and develop as an organisation to cope with the extraordinary growth of our programs in Australia and potentially, globally.

I'm so privileged and excited to work with a group of men and women who care so much about our teenagers and who work so hard at trying to understand the differences between men and women so that we can all make it easier (hopefully) for our kids.

Working mothers have been striving for a long time to have our needs understood and met in the business world - so it's great to work for an organisation that tries to incorporate that. I hope that you also have (or find) some compassionate workplace where you feel like you really belong...

Working Mums - working for all our daughters' futures

2007-07-17T11:28:00.000+10:00

I've just spent 4 days working with an amazing circle of women - we call ourselves 'Women Weaving towards a contemporary Rite of Passage for Girls'. We are seven women - all working mothers with teenage daughters - who are designing and facilitating a program for 13-15 year old girls to aid them in the transition from young girl to young woman. Surely one of the hardest transitions in life! We ran our first pilot program for the Pathways Foundation last year and are now refining it before running another 2 programs in 2007.

I feel blessed to be part of this group of funny, passionate, and compassionate women and feel very 'filled up' after being with them all. I believe all working mums benefit from spending time with other good women who are willing to be real and share themselves honestly with each other - don't you?

Gather the Women - Rites of Passage: Girls Into Young Women

2007-07-05T17:51:00.000+10:00

I've been busy getting a conference paper ready for the 'Gather the Women' conference in Sydney starting tomorrow.

I'm speaking about 'Rites of Passage: Girls into Young Women' which is the work I'm involved in for the NFP organisation The Pathways Foundation http://www.pathwaysfoundation.com.au/. They provide contemporary rites of passage programs, for boys ‘Pathways to Manhood’ and for girls ‘Pathways into Womanhood’ and is a registered harm prevention charity.

Gather the Women Australia (GTWA) is part of a global movement of diverse women joining with many others to celebrate our true worth. Our vision is to empower each other to make the changes within our own worlds, which will enhance our lives and the lives of all beings around us physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, to bring about a peaceful and ethical world.

You might like to know about the following GTW gatherings worldwide as opportunities to converge, connect, and cocreate what is right for you (more detail below):

Australian Congress, THIS IS THE MOMENT, July 6-8, 2007. Register at http://www.gatherthewomenoz.com/

3rd International Women's Peace Conference, Dallas, TX, July 10-15, 2007, GTW Friday workshop.

European Congress, March 2009, call to cocreators. Contact: Dr. Sabine Leuwer at dr.s.leuwer@arcor.de.

South American Congress, call to new leadership. Contact: Kathe Schaaf katheschaaf@cox.net.

Regional leadership and events, call to leadership for October "One Community" events. Contact Joy at harrietadams@cox.net or Marilyn at marilyn@nydow.com.

Women's World Conference, Sofia, Bulgaria, 2010, call to cocreators. Go to www.5WWC.org for more information.

School holidays - Time for some fun!

2007-07-03T11:08:00.000+10:00

It's school holidays here at the moment - so I'm taking some time to have fun with my kids.

Hope you are too - nothing fills my soul like the sound of my kids laughing - 'specially when I'm laughing with them!

I particularly like having at least one 'jarmy' day - we don't get out of our pyjamas all day and snuggle up playing cards or watching a movie - as it's winter holidays here in Australia....

Have a wonderful time all you working mums - I hope you can spend some of it with your kids - wherever you are!

Not so super 'Super changes' for Working Mums

2007-07-02T10:17:00.000+10:00

The new lauded Superannuation changes coming into effect from today actually have little relevance for working mums.

An article in The Age newspaper today states:

'According to a report released by the Association of Superannuation Funds of Australia in June 2007, the average retirement payout for men retiring in the 2006-07 year is likely to be $130,000, while women, on average, will receive a meagre $45,000.

The reasons for the low payouts for women are disturbing and can be traced back to discriminatory work and superannuation policies over the past 50 years. Women were paid half the money men were paid for the same job until the laws were changed in 1975. Even now, according to countless studies, women are paid less than men in similar roles, although the gap is closing.

Today, family responsibilities, including rearing children and caring for elderly parents, still predominantly fall on women's shoulders. Women, if working, are more likely to have part-time rather than full-time work, although female participation in the workforce is increasing.

The Superannuation Guarantee still only applies to workers earning more than $450 a month, and women on paid maternity leave are still not entitled to the guarantee.

One of the more innovative Government super policies, the co-contribution scheme, promoted as a female-friendly policy, excludes many women because it is only available to the self-employed and employees. The co-contribution scheme involves the Government paying a tax-free super contribution of up to $1500 each year, if an individual makes a $1000 after-tax contribution each year to a super fund — but you have to be working.'

What about the part-time working mums amd women on maternity leave - as well as stay-at-home Mums?

For full article, see http://www.theage.com.au/news/business/super-changes-dont-add-up-to-much/2007/06/30/1182624234571.html

Australian Federal Parliment - Breastfeeding Friendly?

2007-06-28T14:35:00.000+10:00

A MALE MP is trying to make Federal Parliament more "female-friendly" by allowing new mothers to breastfeed infants without being interrupted.

NSW Labor MP Roger Price has told The Daily Telegraph he wanted to change Parliament's standing orders, allowing nursing mothers a proxy vote. This would mean they would not have to interrupt breastfeeding infants when a vote is called in the parliamentary chambers.

"The parliament is still a very male-oriented place to work and doesn't fully address the need of young female MPs. It's about time we changed," Mr Price said. Skier turned politician Kirstie Marshall created a stir in Victorian Parliament four years ago when she breastfed daughter Charlotte in legislative assembly.

Let's hope so - and go Roger! We need more men like this to support working mums!

Time for Yourself - Curly Leg Hairs?

2007-06-27T14:43:00.000+10:00

I flew to Brisbane, Queensland this week to facilitate a 'Working Mother's Forum' for a major law firm there. I had a great session with the Mums there - all so relieved to find out that they are not alone in their challenges and so grateful just to meet the other WM's in the firm and get to know who else is a Mum!

We were discussing taking time out for ourselves as Working Mums - and one WM with a small baby said that her husband had been away for 4 weeks overseas. She realised that she hadn't had much time to herself when she noticed her leg hairs were actually so long they were curly 'cos she hadn't had time to shave them!

Love the image!! Thanks Lisa for the laugh.......

Ahoy thar me hearties!

2007-06-24T10:52:00.000+10:00

What we Mums do for our kids huh? I remember my Mum (a stay at home Mum with 6 kids) making us fabulous birthday cakes for our birthday parties - which we were allowed to have when we were 7 and 10 years only. All other years we had a family party - which were big enough anyway with 6 brothers and sisters!

So, buoyed on by memories of those wonderful cakes - I decided to attempt a pirate cake for Elliot's 7th Pirate birthday party - and here's the result! Thank you to the Australian Women's Weekly Birthday Party Cookbook - it really wasn't as hard as it looks.....

As they say in the Mastercard ad:

Packet Cake mix and Lollies - $20

Time taken to Assemble -1.5 hours

Look on Elliot's face when it was finished - PRICELESS!!

'Push It'- Paid Maternity Leave for Aussie Gals

2007-06-22T13:42:00.000+10:00

Wow- I just love the magazine 'Marie Claire' for all the lobbying they do for women and working mums!

They have announced a new initiative called 'Push It-Paid Maternity Leave' to lobby for 14 weeks paid leave for new Mums in Australia. They held a rally in Sydney last Thursday 14 June attended by 350 women braving the cold and rain that day! Go girls!

Did you know Australia and the US are the only countries in the Organisation for Economic Co-ordination and Development (OECD) that do not have universal paid maternity schemes? - and this is despite the Australian government encouraging us to have more children!

In Canada, a new mum would receive an incredible 50 weeks paid leave - of which 35 could be taken by either herself or her partner. In Italy, she'd receive 47 weeks, in the UK, 39 weeks, while in Germany and Japan, she would be entitled to 14 weeks of fully paid maternity leave. The UK government recently increased its state-funded maternity leave from six to nearly 10 months. In Australia, employers are not obliged to pay anything once a pregnant worker goes on maternity leave. And it is this continued lack of support for new mothers that has sparked protests.

Register your support for this by going to http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/marie-claire/ - and help PUSH IT!

Welcome to Working Mums Survival Guide

2007-06-21T10:02:00.000+10:00

Hi! We are Virginia Herlihy and Maree Lipschitz,

Welcome to our Working Mums Survival Guide! We are both working mums with 2 kids each -and corporate facilitators, executive coaches and 'soon to be' e-book authors!

We run forums for mothers working in organisations to help support them to feel confident and satisfied in all areas of their lives. We're passionate about helping working mums thrive and feel good about their choice to have a career -and have a family.

We'll be posting lots of items to help you achieve this - so check here regularly!

Here's to a fabulous, balanced and satisfying life...

Virginia & Maree